So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
