After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
