I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
