Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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