turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
