Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
