The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he told me I talked like a deaf person
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
