...so i touched it.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
