This house was built for laser tag.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
