do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
