just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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