i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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