I could make wine with my vomit
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
