Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
