I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize
