Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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