and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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