She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
