if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
