all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
