Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
