Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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