All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
a search helicopter?!
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
