There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize