I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
