# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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