You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
