I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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