I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
