Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
