??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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