You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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