I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize