I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
