do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
