Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
