when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
