wanna go halves on a baby?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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