You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
