i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
