Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
