it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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