I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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