so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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