I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
