the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
