i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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