I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
