is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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