Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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