No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
