She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
