I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Randomize
