Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
