dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
