I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
