and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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