She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
