Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
