It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
