Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
