At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i love accidental penises.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
