Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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