I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
