I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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