Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
