i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
